A question only an Israeli Jew would pose

Well I started up quite the thunderstorm at work today.

In my morning email I received the heartbreaking news that a close family friend (a girl I've known my whole life) has decided to raise her children Christian with her newly-engaged pastor fiance. The family is a mess, and I immediately felt sick to my stomach.

I shared the news with my friends at work, and one of them proposed a question to me. (Apparently, this is a common 'would-you-rather' that Israelis provoke one another with): Would you rather your child tell you that they're gay, that they've decided to become ultra-religious, or that they're marrying a non-Jew?

I almost laughed I thought the question was so ridiculous. OBVIOUSLY, marrying a non-Jew was the worst news a Jewish parent could hear from their child.
My response ignited a passionate tirade from another co-worker whom i adore dearly but i'm not gonna lie, she can be a bit intimidating on her soapbox :-) she challenged me with this question: what's more important, that your child be a good person or a believing Jew? she went on that this is exactly the problem today with the Diasporan Jews - that we still have the "ghetto" mentality. Not enough Jews in America think like the 'new, strong/Israeli Jew', where being confident in the Jewish people and focusing on being a good person and fulfilling one's individual potential are the primary values, and not merely blind survival. She said as long as Jews in the Diaspora think like an endangered species, we'll continue to be one.

I see her point (obviously) and she makes good, logical points (obviously) but -- as she herself pointed out to me -- she can only make this argument BECAUSE she is Israeli. Israelis think about the problem of Jewish continuity with a security blanket wrapped around their mind. They grew up in Israel, surrounded by Jews, and have no idea what it's like to grow up in the Diaspora.

Maybe shes right, that American Jews do think too much with a ghetto mentality, and maybe we do worry too much about survival rather than living life for life's sake. BUT - we are aware of the reality of the 'Jewish situation' in a way that most Israelis simply do not feel. (and this is not in response to anything my co-worker said, but I would like to now share my own thoughts). Jewish continuity is not a joke. The assimilation statistics are real. Here are the latest stats from the World Jewish Population site, just to back up my point:

"The worldwide Jewish population is 13.3 million Jews. Jewish population growth worldwide is close to zero percent.

Approximately 37% of worldwide Jewry lives in Israel. Israel's Jewish population rose by 1.6% the past year, while the Diaspora population dropped by 0.5%.

One study predicted that in the next 80 years America's Jewish population would decline by one-third to 3.8 million if current fertility rates and migration patterns continue[3]."

Not to mention the intermarriage rate in America fluctuates somewhere around 50%.

So while I agree that 'being a good person' if of COURSE a paramount value, there is good reason behind the 'ghetto mentality' that preoccupies so many Diasporan Jews.

None of us know for sure why the Jewish people continue to exist, after 3,000 years of persecution. Is it because Gd is watching over his chosen people? Is it a miracle? Is it sheer chance? Or is it because so many Jews worried about and made our continued presence on earth the priority?

We don't know. And we don't know what our future will be either - whether Israel's Jewish population will continue to grow to match the disappearing Diasporan population, or whether Gd forbid something terrible will happen to Israel and its population, or whether there will be a sudden revolution in the Diasporan Jewish population. What seems most likely of course is that the Jews will continue to populate the planet and continue to be persecuted.

So how should we think about those Jews that choose to intermarry/abandon the Jewish faith? In my opinion, it's all a matter of your frame of reference. It's good that there are Israelis who think the way my co-workers do, but it's also necessary that there are Diasporan Jews who consider our continuity our paramount value.